Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
