My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
