he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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