And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
