Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
