remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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