I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
