"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
