walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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