My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
