They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
