I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We're like a lot better than the average bears
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
