We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
