I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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