im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
