I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
