Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
