Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my liver is dry heaving
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
