dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
