Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
