Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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