You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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