Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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