I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
