I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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