a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
