He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
