It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
