she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
