Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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