break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you had me at cake vodka
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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