like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
cat food counts as protein by the way
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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