It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
