I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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