I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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