yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
