So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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