just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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