I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
