If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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