I puked a lego.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
