i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
