Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
