Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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