Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
