I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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