My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
