Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
