my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
