peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
