i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
