So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
